1. Security and protection
If there is one thing that is consistent in this world, it is change. The world is uncertain and fast paced. In such a state of unreliability, your wife expects you to give her stability. She expects you to provide her with some relief and shelter from the craziness that surrounds the world.
Your wife wants you to ensure that no attacks from outside are able to crack your marriage. She expects you to guard the sanctity and purity of the relationship. Let us give you an example for you to understand things in a better way.
There was a guy in Florida who never accompanied his wife to the beach. He would never head to the beach, come what may.
When inquired about the reason, he responded that at the beach, he had to struggle with lust and for him, his marriage was more important than a few hours of relaxation.
This is what you would call fighting for the sanctity of your marriage.
The threat to your marriage is your inner demons. If you want to ensure that the evil from outside does not have an impact on your marriage, you need to ensure that you let Jesus in. Ensure that your wife knows that Jesus holds importance in your marriage.
2. Undivided attention
Your wife needs your undivided attention. You need to make her feel valued and special. You need to focus on her. Keep in mind that undivided means undivided; you need to give her your complete and utmost focus.
Most men tend to feel rather confused why their wife does not feel valued when they spend hours with them sitting on the couch. The reason is simple. You do not give her undivided attention. You focus on the television. You check out your phone as you pretend to listen to what she has to say. This is divided attention, which is not sufficient.
Spending time with her is not about proximity. It is not about physical closeness. It is about your attitude. It is about the way you carry yourself. Look at your wife when she is speaking to you. Give her value and attention. Eye contact would prove to be pivotal.
This is not something that your wife will tell you, but this is something that she needs and deserves. If you think the television or phone is more important than your wife, you are conveying the message that the relationship is not important enough for you.
3. Communication
Usually, guys do not want many details. They don’t care to go in depth of things. Only if the details are important and have a role to play in decision-making do they want it. They tend to focus on just the important stuff.
Women, on the other hand, are different. When she asks a question, she wants a proper answer. She needs details. Your wife loves you. She needs to know details about your life, even the ones that you deem insignificant. She wants to be a part of every moment of your life. But you are not going to hear this from her.
Communication forms the foundation of a healthy relationship. Withholding information, even if you think it is for her own good, never goes well. The longer you are married, the more you will realize how important it is to communicate and exhibit honesty.
Even if the communication is hurtful sometimes, you will find that it will benefit your relationship in the long run. For instance, imagine that you have an addiction and you hide it from her because you think it would hurt her. However, she happens to find it by accident. It would hurt her more, and the wound would take a lot more time to heal than what would have happened had you been upfront with her.Your relationship and your wife need you, to be honest and open with her.
4. Helping with the ordinary household tasks
Marriage is not a job where you are assigned responsibilities. If you think a certain chore is her job, your marriage is not as healthy as you think. It does not matter if you work and your wife takes care of the home. You need to help her with the chores. You need to know that your wife would never tell you that she needs your help, but trust me, she does.
Therefore, do simple daily tasks without being asked. Change diapers, clean dishes, and help around. You might be tired but still help her out instead of relenting how fatigued you feel.
Help her without waiting for her to ask for it. You will gain her respect by doing so.
5. Break
Women face some heavy expectations from a cultural point of view. They tend to feel the heat of these expectations. At times, it can get rather overwhelming. She might feel inadequate and exhausted. She might feel that she is unable to cope. She would never admit this, not even when you ask her.
To help her in this situation, you first need to understand the weight of the expectations that your wife deals with. You need to sympathize with her. You need to look beyond the words once in a while. Do not pay too much faith in them. Instead, observe her actions closely.If you see that she is struggling, it is your time to take the rein and give her a break. Allow her to sit down, relax, and get out of the house.
Ask her the stuff that needs to be done and take the responsibility. This will do wonders for your marriage.
6. Leadership
Leadership implies that you are ready to be a servant. When we say you need to lead your wife, it does not imply that you have to set rigid rules for her or make her do things your way.
It is not about controlling your wife. It is not about manipulation or using the power for your own selfish reasons. If you use your power in an inappropriate manner, you will have God to answer to.
If you wish to ensure that your wife is being led well, you need to see if she is living her life courageously. Observe whether she is apprehensive of failing.
Do you think she is using her gifts? Find a woman who is empowered and courageous and who is not hounded by fears of failure, and you will become a husband who leads his wife well.Great leadership is about empowering others.
Your relationship will be healthy when you make Jesus a priority, realize your responsibility, take tough decisions when the time is right, and are ready to serve your wife. Husbands are the bedrock of a relationship. Being selfish or taking a backseat would be disastrous for your relationship.
7. Intimacy
Women need intimacy which comes in various ways. Attention is one component and holding her is another. Another component is sex.
Husbands need to understand one thing: for wives, sex has a different meaning. For men, sex is more about the outcome, while for women, it is also about the process. For them, sex is not just physical proximity; it is an emotional connection.
You need to understand that if you are selfish sexually, you will drive your wife away, and she will not feel like coming close to you. It will affect your marriage. Explore the process of sex with your wife. Caress her and hold her. Talk about it with her.
You will not hear this from your wife, but it is not just the physical pleasure that she requires. She needs intimacy. Do not withhold this from her.
Try to see things from her point of view. Incorporate what she likes and you will find that your sex life along with your marriage will improve by leaps and bounds.
8. Thoughtfulness
Men don’t really care much about dates. Remembering birthdays is usually not their forte. Wives, on the hand, never miss a birthday. They usually have a perfect record in this regard.So this is what the husbands need to remember.
You might not give much importance to birthdays and anniversaries, but these days are important for your wife. It is not just about remembering her birthday.
That goes without saying. It is also about giving priority to the days that are important to her. They could be birthday, anniversary, Christmas or Valentine’s Day.When you pay attention to what she values, you make her feel special and she feels valued.
Thoughtfulness would also be conveyed when you send random texts to her. Remind her that you ae thankful for her presence in your life.
Let her know that you think about her. If you feel the thankfulness but do not express it, it holds no meaning. She needs to be told about this and that you love her.She will not complain, but if you do not make her feel special on the days she thinks are important, she will feel sad. Eventually, she will come to terms with it, but this will put a dent on your relationship.
9. Permission to be imperfect
It is something with which husbands need to take the lead. Your wife needs a space where she finds it alright to be imperfect. She needs a space where she does not have to pretend all the time that everything is well. It is your duty to create this space.
For this, you need to listen carefully when she talks about her feelings. For you, the issues might seem trivial, but if you do not give her attention, she will go into a shell. She would stop sharing stuff with you and would try to go on as being perfect.
You cannot expect her to say this out loud, but it will happen, and this will take a toll on your marriage. Thus, this is a space that needs to be created.
10. Fun
The idea of fun is not always extravagant. It is about making everyday life enjoyable. Marriage can be rather orderly, but you should ensure that it is not boring. This is not something that money can buy. It is about being extraordinary in an otherwise ordinary setting. Find ways where you can have fun in the usual days. Look for opportunities.
Be spontaneous and strive to be adventurous. Do not let your marriage become mundane. Your wife expects the marriage to be fun, and she deserves it. God created it, and it is meant to be lived to the full extent.
It is quite possible to decipher what your wife needs. It is about making an attempt to dig deeper. This will require effort on your part. It will require communication and grace from both parties.
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